reverielove:

ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS SUCK… the first “real” relationship i was in was physically abusive.. it sucks cuz i think i (kinda) got in to a bad pattern of building physical hostility between my partner & i. when im mad, i will hit him. i dont hit him really hard but, just the fact that i react violently sucks..
i was kicking it with my “guy friend” the other day & i found myself putting my hands on his face when he pissed me off. he told me to stop. he said i shouldnt have my hands in his face & he is right. he doesnt put his hands in my face when he is upset with me, he talks about it.. i like talking shit out but its hard. i have always had a problem w expressing how i feel (unless its in a song)..
i was also “beaten” by mom when i was young, really bad & really frequently. my mom denies it to the fullest, in fact, im not sure if she even realizes or remembers just how bad it was but i think it was a main factor for the depression & confusion i have had for so many years (which i am glad to say i am finally understanding, accepting & putting behind me). as a kid, i always got beaten so i guess thats where i developed the mentality that if someone pisses me off, i “can” hit them. as a child, i didnt understand that my mom was punishing me by hitting me. i took it as she was mad SO she hit me.
when i was in the 4th or 5th grade, i started picking fights with random girls. over the years it just got so bad that i am not afraid to fight anymore.. but that is a whole notherrr blog..
anyways.. the physically abusive relationship was obviously NOT healthy but ultimately, we always talked shit out no matter what. being held down or pulled places sucked but the fact that we talked it out afterwards (NOT saying it was ok) was like a release of tension & gave me the chance to move on.. 
so another relationship that i was in was mentally & verbally abusive.. the abuse got worse over the months.. i dont wanna get into detail cuz its no ones business but the point that i was getting to is….. in a weird way i feel like it hurt more being mentally n verbally abused than physically abused because we never talked it out afterwards. 
if someone hits you, thats just a quick moment. a bruise may be gone in a week. but to say something soo vicious & demeaning to the person you “love” .. that hurts so bad because your partner knows your weak spots & you trust them not to use them against you, so when they do, its like the ultimate low blow..
i dont know.. i guess everything takes time to heal :)
glad i can learn from everything i go thru & become a better person in the long run. this music video is the sheet & if YOU are in an abusive relationship, END IT. its better on this side, i promise ;)
paz.